#MHoneworld Live Stream Event - First Watch

So this is what you meant
When you said that you were spent
And now it's time to build from the bottom of the pit
Right to the top
Don't hold back
Packing my bags and giving the academy a rain check

I don't ever wanna let you down
I don't ever wanna leave this town
'Cause after all
This city never sleeps at night

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am

So this is where you fell
And I am left to sail
The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell
Right to the top
Don't look back
Turning the rags and giving the commodities a rain check

I don't ever wanna let you down
I don't ever wanna leave this town
'Cause after all
This city never sleeps at night

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am

This road never looked so lonely
This house doesn't burn down slowly
To ashes, to ashes

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am

Life is a GIFT...

Life Is a Gift Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak. Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat. Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to HEAVEN for a companion. Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet. And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job. And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you are alive and still around.

read this....

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS ... “When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband…. The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

am i so weak

Before christmas i cried and during christmas i cried again.. Before because i saw picture kak nor and hafeez together...almost a week i cried but am realized kak nor more suit for him..she have everyhing.got business and great life compare with me..i had nothing only myself.am so glad he so happy and at last he find his soulmate..happy for him, i will always want to see his happy face..hope kak nor can give more happiness which i never been gave to him..she so lucky ..all photo hafeez upload...if me hahaha he wont publish in his facebook..not jealous but envy of kak nor...hehe.may they always together forever..and my dear hafeez...don't tell lie to me that kak nor is your god sis ok...thanks God i didn't express out my true feeling to you during our met..or else i will more hate myself. Ok am i stupid or idiot for cried a man who i won't get back the love from him...hurm well i make up my mind..whatever it's belong to you, will be yours, if not no matter what it still be not ours..so i will only pray and wish him all the best....my love towards him forever...and i wish friendship will not be dull....All the best, On christmas eve, after the prayer at church...around 1am i took moved back to kuala lumpur..along the way am cried because first time i had nobody in my family togathering....i miss mum n papa...during christmas day..,i cried and really so tough me to accept the lost of my beloved mum,..never thought 1st time i had this lost...so many people who i love seem far away from me...another 2 days going to be 2013...i not sure what will be happen next...just hope all goes well.. Mum and papa...will i get back my true happiness...,will i ?oh God.,.will i have simple happy family...? Mum n papa....i will always pray for you...and i knew God always beside you...God for sure give a lot happiness...hehe..don't worry...tina will be try to make ownself happy...2013 is the time am gonna start new life... Ok stop emo...,and start to give great smile to evryone.....HAPPY...YEAH!!!!!

going to be end of 2012

Well i guess everyone are so busy with deco all Xmas tree in their house..everyone also busy search new clothes, new shoes and etc..but me well just ignore this Xmas season...no mood, no happy...but one thing I am gonna do pray my late parent on 24th and 25th am back to kuala lumpur. Last month am so busy with my work, and this month too..this month is the month am gonna start my setup my biz, so far all in preparing the proposal and search the information to stabilize all business in accordingly. Office work i won't neglect because that is my priority. I knew from am started my journey working as government staff, i've been faced a lot of circumstances and for sure am learning.. and this year is year i lost my gracious mother..but i still going on my life path even i had mentioned tired of this life. Upcoming this 2013, i work hard for my new path...i will be careful any guys that i hang on..i won't let anyone hurt me again. Enough is enough...guys who sweetalker will be blacklisted in my life...wahahahahahha.. Start doing the list am going to do.....one step by one step.....hurray... Mum n papa....i wont let you all down..am gonna work hard and doing something that give benefit in my life..i wont waste time on nuisance stuff. God, you the only and the God...may you always beside me, give me strength...because You know who am i and what the best of my life..if i've done sin through this past life , please forgive me.Love u God..muakss Next year is the year am starting doing the thing i like...and hope my business goes well...Amen.. Ok..tomolo am gonna go to futsal match...it's time to be sleep well.....

almost over one year and I meet him again

On 15 November my heart felt so empty, suddenly I started searched mum and my tears drop...my heart so missed her so much. I kept on told myself not to remember her death, but once I felt the lost...it's really can't imagined the tough I been through..and after I backed from worked..I started cried and yelled out " Mum"....until I can't slept at nite..thanks God Acuk didn't slept and accompany me whatszup till 4am..so much he asked me to stop cried.And that conversations, I have told the guy I been love for almost one year, because acuk stayed at Shah Alam, I didn't dare to visit him because I afraid I will be met the guy I loved as acuk stayed nearby him.Acuk realized I didn't tell the truth from my heart and asked me to find him and talk, maybe I can find the true happiness. On friday nite, I kept on thought of mum...and once I saw mum's photo, my mind thought of him and the first I texted him and asked permission whether I can talked with him...he reply ok..but once I want to pressed his phone no...i become timid, am afraid I don't know what to said.I tried dared to call him and slowly told him that I miss mum voice and I don't have any friend who can understand my situation...once mum gone,all closest friend in putrajaya seems no bother at all.And I also would not tell my feeling to them anymore because I don't want them looked down on me..Yes the word from Hafeez...tomorrow you free, I want to see you..please come to Shah Alam. On 18.11.2012, is the day after one year am gonna meet Hafeez once again.While he asked to went to Kopitiam...I saw him at the back from down floor...and I knew him..and once I get to near to him, my hearbeat went fast.In my mind i kept on told Oh God let's beat back to normal.In that conversation, he asked why you not back to kluang, why u not find your aunty..why you not search ruslie..oh yeah suppose ask ruslie out..why you not find ina..i already add the watzzup group..then talk to them. I just silent and only I can said to him ..' I didn't know them well, can't expect I got to tell them everything...after that I becaome silent and my heart felt regret to meet him.. I felt he is want to see how bad situation to me and kept on told me see ruslie..thanks God just one hour we been chat and the cloud seem gonna raining..my heart felt want to cry but i quiet. I really want to tell him Hafeez, you asked me to meet my aunty,did you know once mum admitted in hospital..none of them came and visit my mum..got one aunty came just to ask my mum to tell me help thier children for make car loan and last I borrowed them money, they didn't pay back yet they make shit even my mum past away, one of my aunty son's told me please don't tell my mum that your mother is passed away..I want back to kluang ,hafeez, but each time I back to kluang..all I saw the memories and cried until my father's brother and Johnson & tifah don't want to see me in hell situation.yeah see Ruslie from we meet until back home, you keep on said ruslie name...feel like am a whore and seek for a guy companion.In bravely I asked hafeez, are you Kak Nor 's fiancee?? he in big eyes and replied nope. Well seem this the second time I asked him same question and same asnwer I got from him. he said please forget everything, all is past. Once we gonna back home he said bye and he said seem you know how to come here..if free come here. and he added ruslie name again...i replied to him thanks for treat me as a whore..but he didn't hear the words i said. On the way back home, I speeded eventhough it heavily raining and almost banged taxi car...I thought back I suppose not to let him see my sorrow and painful...I shouldn't add up my painful. All I thought after i met him maybe I can chill back my happiness as before he had gave me that.I feel am make myself a jokey..at last I felt myself declare as bitch..Whole day I cried and I texted acuk I had met him and make acuk thought am back to happy..but in reality am not.Whole Sunday till monday midnite I keep on blame for myself why I so stupid and make foolish to meet him..why I must let him see my weakness..why make ownself as jokey..yeah i love him and I knew I won't get back the concerned and care from him as he never did to me. It's me foolish.It's me foolish for waiting for so long and thought all will be happiness after i saw him...I thought my missed of mum and the loving of him will make me stronger but all is gone....

Cannonball...( Love the Damien Rice play the acoustic player)

"Cannonball" Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt Still a little hard to say what's going on Still a little bit of your ghost you witness Still a little BIT of your face I haven't kissed You step a little closer EACH DAY That I can't say what's going on Stones taught me to fly Love taught me to lie Life taught me to die So it's not hard to fall When you float like a cannonball Still a little bit of your song in my ear Still a little bit of your words I long to hear You step a little closer TO ME So close that I can't see what's going on Stones taught me to fly Love taught me to lie Life taught me to die So it's not hard to fall When you float like a cannon Stones taught me to fly Love taught me to cry So come on courage! Teach me to be shy 'Cause it's not hard to fall And I don't WANNA scare her It's not hard to fall And I don't wanna lose It's not hard to grow When you know that you just don't know